Title: Risk
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Rating: G
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Summary: “You think in every reality we’re together?”
Notes: 1889 words. Set after Point of View to Small Victories
“You think in every reality we’re together?” Jack asks, and Sam feels the heat on her cheeks immediately. He’s not even looking at her as he speaks, so she can’t even tell where he’s going with this.
Though, at least he can’t see how hard she’s blushing; mostly at the memory of her alternative self kissing him.
She hadn’t expected him to broach the subject, not off-world, not at all. They’re on a planet surrounded by trees and very little else – except a ruin Daniel had to see – with nothing but time on their hands. She supposes it’s safer to have the conversation here. Plus, the trees are teal, with a green bark; it all feels a little unreal in the firelight under the stars. Like it’s not even really happening.
It’s brave of him to bring it up.
Sam is not overly brave. Not in matters of the heart. Every relationship she’s had has gone on long after it was dead because she wasn’t brave enough to chance the change, and most guys she’s been interested in have gotten away for the same reason.
She was never planning on bringing up their alternate relationship.
Relationships.
But Jack, Jack has brought it up, even though his face is turned toward their campfire and mostly hidden. Jack has mentioned it, even though his voice is barely above a whisper, and it’s the bravest thing she’s ever seen him do.
“Probably,” she says softly, looking at him.
“Think it means something?” he asks, throwing a twig into the fire. It flares for a moment, and he finally looks up at her. In the low light of the fire, his face is as red as hers, but she’s not sure if it’s a blush or the warmth of the flames. He’s smiling through, that small smile that has her insides fluttering oddly.
“Definitely,” she says, emboldened, smiling back.
He finally meets her eyes then, looks as delighted as she feels. She shifts a little closer to him, and he does the same.
Be brave, she thinks.
If she lives to 100, hell, if she lives to 40, she knows she’s going to have regrets. Everyone does. She’s pretty sure, one way or another, Jack O’Neill will be one of them. She figures she could just ruin her life with him now or later. It’s inevitable; the alternative realities have shown her that.
“Do you think it means something?” she asks.
“Means something to me,” he tells her, and Sam thinks it’s probably as close to a confession of something that she’s going to get unless she pushes a little more.
“Me too,” she says with a smile, and she nudges his shoulder with her own. “What do we do about it?”
“It’s still against the regs,” he says, and she nods. She doesn’t have the answer, which isn’t unusual when it comes to relationships. It’s not science.
“I don’t want to ignore it anymore,” she blurts out. “But I will, if you want to.”
They could. They could lock up all the feelings and carry on as if they hadn’t met two versions of themselves that are in love, as if they hadn’t had this conversation, as if they aren’t in love with each other too.
Sam doesn’t know when it happened. Sometime between the first alternate reality and the second, maybe.
“I don’t want to ignore it,” he says. “But, the regs.”
“Yeah.”
“Let me think about it?” he says.
“Sure,” is all she has in reply.
He thinks about it.
All he’s really done since Doctor Sam Carter kissed him is think about it. About her. About this.
He doesn’t really know what he’s going to do about it, and he never really planned to bring the subject up, but then it was just the two of them, for the first time since the kiss, and it just came out. He had known she would’ve agreed with him, spoken about it, because he knows her. Knows she had feelings for him and knows she wears them on her sleeve.
She’s a great officer; she could have a long and stellar career.
He could, too, he supposes, if he wasn’t such a stubborn jerk, but he’s not really bothered. He could give up his career, but then, he wouldn’t get to work at the SGC. They don’t really need retired air force Colonel’s with bad knees and worse negotiating skills. The SGC needs scientists like Sam and Daniel. He’s not ready to give it up.
Nor is he ready to give up the idea of a relationship with Carter.
“Think it’s worth the risk?” he asks as he stands up, intending to sleep but knowing he probably won’t. He can’t think straight with her sitting next to him, pressed against his side. Any longer like that and he’s likely to jump in headfirst and this is one of those times when he really needs to be more cautious than he usually is.
“I think so,” she says, looking up at him, and he swears she does the doe eyes on purpose.
“Yeah, me too,” he tells her before heading into his tent.
He still hasn’t really figured out the best way to deal with any of this. He’d almost asked the General for advice, then Daniel, and had settled on Teal’c, but hadn’t had the chance to really talk to the man alone. SG-1 had been pushed pretty hard of late.
So, when she declines his invitation to go fishing, he wonders if he’s left it too late, that she’s taken his silence on the matter to mean something it’s not. Though he definitely didn’t help himself by saying that it would be two friends going away together when it’s definitely not what he meant. He meant ‘hey, come to the cabin and spend time with me because I’m crazy about you, but need to be away from work, but not away from you, and I really want to share the cabin with you and…’
And none of that actually came out of his mouth; it just sort of rattled around in his brain while he was walking away from her, having already blown up the conversation (and possibly any hint of a relationship). He’s overjoyed when she comes running around the corner because it feels like a second chance, and he can tell she wants to come; she just needs a push, and he wants to push, wants her.
Then Thor beams him up mid-ramble about fishing terms, and God knows what, and well, he doesn’t really get the chance to even think about anything other than saving the world.
Again.
So, when they’re stuck on (plant designation), and it looks like it’s going to be a while before they’ve set up the second stargate (probably because Sam is here and not on Earth to make it work), he figures they should probably talk.
Sam beats him to it.
They don’t have much in the way of supplies; everything they’d packed was weapons, but the planet is quiet and warm, and they’ve found food and shelter. They’ve built a fire and set up sleeping spots next to it, and Teal’c found a corner for Kel-no-reem.
“You asked me,” she starts, turning over to face him. “If I thought it was worth the risk.”
“Yeah.”
“And I do, though, I suppose you didn’t really define what we’d be risking.”
“Everything,” he blurts out, and she smiles.
“I was assuming you meant our careers.”
“No, I did mean that,” he says. “Mostly your career, though.”
“It’s definitely worth risking that,” she says with a small laugh. “First offence, older officer who outranks me, I’d come out okay.”
“Way to throw me under the bus,” he grumbles, but smiles as he does so. “But, you’re probably right, you’d get a reputation though.”
“That doesn’t bother me. Men always have an opinion about me, women too, but I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere if I were worried about reputations. And I know you aren’t worried about yours.”
“That feels like an insult.”
“Only a little one,” she says, blushing slightly, and he wants to shift closer because he likes where this conversation is going, the way she’s opening up to him. He waits, though, waits until she’s done saying whatever it is she needs to say.
“What risks would you be taking?” he asks.
“My heart,” she admits, and oh, he could never break her heart, but he knows, knows he probably will.
He decides against telling her that.
“But I figure, if I was going to risk it with anyone, it would be with you.”
She’s feeling more than a little brave now, coming off the high of saving the world again, lying in the grass next to him, almost alone because Teal’c is far enough away from them for her to forget he’s there.
Almost.
“I thought maybe I’d lost my chance,” he says, shifting closer to her.
“Why?”
“You didn’t want to come fishing with me.”
She smiles at him because he’s an idiot.
“I did want to, do want to, but,” she pauses. “I wasn’t brave enough, I guess.”
“And now?” he asks, shifting closer again, and she blushes but doesn’t move away; she thinks she leans into him, but it’s not a conscious decision.
“Easier to be brave when we’re off-world, and it’s just us,” she says and chuckles when he glances over at the dark corner where Teal’c sits.
“True,” he says. “But I’m happy to follow your lead on this.”
She knows, he may be their team leader, but he’s always been reasonable about trusting her judgement, not just about the science but other things too. She wants to dive right in, but as brave as she is being, it’s still hard to take the next step, to make it real and risk it all.
“But you’ll come fishing, right?” he asks, and she laughs, body shifting closer until they’re almost touching. She knows she could pull away now, and he would let her, let her roll over and fall to sleep and pick it all back up tomorrow. Something is comforting in that, and it just makes her love him all the more.
Feeling braver than she probably is, she leans those last few centimetres to brush her lips over his. She can feel him holding back, can feel the tension in him as he kisses her back just as gently, but it’s all she can offer right now, right here.
“I’d love to come fishing with you,” she says softly.
He seems satisfied with that, and he moves in for another soft kiss, his hand hovering over her hip for a moment before finally resting on her, fingers curving around her. They kiss for a little longer, neither pushing for more, though Sam wants to, but she’s aware of the other risks – an unknown planet, Teal’c a few feet away – and keeps herself in check.
When she finally pulls away, he’s grinning at her, and she blushes, dipping her head a little.
“We should get some sleep,” she says.
“Yeah.”
Neither of them moves, but Sam doesn’t mind, and Jack leaves his hand on her hips.
“Worth the risk?” he asks.
“Definitely,” she tells him before settling back down on the grass and closing her eyes.