Title: Seeing Yourself
Rating: G
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing: Gibbs & Tony Gen
Summary: Despite pretty much most of Tony’s life being common knowledge in NCIS, he does have secrets.
Notes: 1128 words. Part two of Secrets series.
Despite pretty much most of Tony’s life being common knowledge in NCIS, he does have secrets. Just a couple that he’s kept mostly to himself. Gibbs often wonders if the oversharing is to protect himself, he’s certainly overheard Kate ruminate on the same in conversations with Abby. “He’s sharing too much,” she’d said, “usually it means he’s not sharing something else, something important.”
Gibbs doesn’t disagree, though sometimes he thinks that it’s just DiNozzo’s personality and has nothing to do with whatever secrets he has lurking in his past.
He never hired Tony, Tony was part of a round of hiring that NCIS does from time to time. He wasn’t on staff long before he came to Gibbs’ attention. He needed a new agent, Davies had long gone, Hurley had finally been reassigned and he was pretty much on his own with a pile of personal files.
Tony’s wasn’t even one of them. Morrow had given Gibbs a list of his best and brightest. Tony had not been one of those. Gibbs had seen him in the field though, they’d worked a couple of investigations together in lieu of any other agents to work with. Gibbs had Tony figured out pretty quickly, grabbed his file from Employee Relations and had a read but he’d already made his mind up. As annoying as DiNozzo was, he had potential. Had a depth too despite the shallow exterior he portrayed.
They weren’t working together for more than a month before Gibbs discovered his first secret. There are others, he knows there are but not what they are. And they’ve never spoken about it, never discussed it, never even acknowledge that Gibbs knows. Tony relaxed a little though; as if he had been waiting to be found out and forced to resign.
And that was years ago now, he hasn’t even thought about it for so long that when they come across a case of a kid shooting a navy lieutenant he couldn’t figure out why it was so surprising. It wasn’t until he saw Tony go silent, go pale, his entire body freezing up when he saw the suspect sitting on the doorstep, flanked by MPs.
“Stay there,” he murmurs to the younger man, “don’t move.”
He doesn’t really think Tony is going to disagree, but he takes the camera from him, forces it into McGee’s hands and then leads the other two up to the porch. Kate looks back at Tony, frowning but Gibbs just urges her forwards.
They work the case without him. Gibbs doesn’t mention it, doesn’t lie and say he’s ill he just doesn’t acknowledge they’re a man down. He can hear McGee and Abby whisper about it, he can feel Kate’s gaze on his every time he goes to say DiNozzo’s name or looks across at his desk. She’s dying to ask, they all are, and he’s surprised Ducky hasn’t already mentioned it.
But then, he suspects Tony has already spoken to Ducky. He’d told Tony to go home, stay home, but he’s seen glimpses of him. In the elevator, in the observation room, in holding. He’s still in the building and keeping an eye on the case.
On the boy.
Kate finally confronts him when they wrap up. She’s learnt to focus on the case before satisfying her curiosity. She saves that for later, for after. For when they’re doing the paperwork and she just can’t hold it in anymore.
She accosts him in the parking lot. It’s the only word that describes the way she almost races towards him and slots herself in between him and his truck. There is that determined look on her face that he lo-likes too much and it’s a struggle to hide his smirk.
“Something wrong Kate?” he asks.
“You have to ask.”
“Tony,” he says and she nods. “Kate…” he sighs.
“Just tell me one thing Gibbs,” she says softly. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
He’s not expecting that. He’s expecting the riot act, demands for information that’s not his to give. He’s expecting harsh tones and even harsher eyes but her voice is soft, her eyes determined but sad. She wants to help, not pry. He should’ve known better really and he’s a little annoyed with himself that he thought so little of her. He almost apologises to her but, well, he has rules and she doesn’t know what he was thinking; he hopes.
“No, my door is always open remember?” he says and she smiles and finally slides out from between him and the car. He can’t pretend he doesn’t immediately miss her closeness, her warmth.
“You’ll tell him won’t you,” she says, “that I’m here for him – if he needs me.”
They’re chalk and cheese in many ways, Tony and Kate, but where it really matters, they’re very similar. Not that he would ever tell her that. He likes his balls where they are.
“I will,” he tells her. She nods. “Thanks, Kate.” She shrugs but smiles and heads around his car to hers.
“Night Gibbs.”
He drives home, unsurprised to find the lights on. Tony is in his living room, sipping on what looks like the second beer. He’s hunched over in front of the fire, a bottle hanging between his legs until he’s brought out of his reverie by Gibbs as he sits on the armchair beside him. He raises his current beer to Gibbs and hands the older man a beer of his own.
“Self-defence,” he tells Tony.
“JAG buy that?”
“Didn’t give ‘um much of a choice,” he takes a long swig of his beer and they’re silent for a while, both considering the kid that’s currently on his way to foster care. Gibbs was half tempted to take him home himself, for both the kid’s sake and for Tony’s but knew it was impossible.
And a bad idea.
“I still visit his grave,” Tony says finally, and Gibbs has to strain to hear him. He’s never heard Tony sound so…small.
Young.
“It won’t ruin his life,” Gibbs says, “and it didn’t ruin yours either Tony.”
He pats the younger man on the shoulder, wondering how much affection he could give or should give him.
“How much do you know?” Tony asks, for the first time since those first few weeks.
“All of it,” he says, “checked your records.”
“The juvenile ones are closed.”
Gibbs chuckles and Tony smiles.
“I was 14,” he says. “It’s been twenty years this year.” Gibbs almost says he knows but he lets Tony talk, let’s him get it out. “It feels like yesterday. How do I get over this?”
Gibbs shrugs.
“I can teach you how to build a boat.”
Tony laughs and Gibbs figures it’s going to be okay.
Eventually.